Losing the Race

Ever hear the phrase “Easier said than done”? Of course you have, who hasn’t? It’s an undeniable truth, and one of the most annoying truth’s at that. We all tend to know better, but how many of us actually have the discipline to do what we preach? It’s hard to do the right thing; it’s hard to go through with the goals we set for each other…. It’s just hard to follow ones own advice.
For example, I set a goal for myself to begin writing again, to think of new things to write about, to share new experiences, stories, research, etc… and so far, nada! I’m still blocked, still can’t think of anything new to write about. I also set a goal to re-activate my healthy lifestyle (eat right, exercise more, bla bla bla)- I’ve done it once I can do it again… right? Well, this time around I’ve found that it’s hard to stay on track – on a lot of things.
I don’t know why I just keep changing directions, keep hitting walls, and can’t seem to get over the hurdle. My problem? Easy, lack of the right motivation.
For most people, motivation is an external factor (new clothes, money, a trip, etc…). They use these “prizes” as their main motivating factors to do what they need to do in order to get them complete their task. We’ve been trained to react this way since we were kids – if you go to the doctor you get a lollipop at the end of the visit, if you go visit your grandparents you’re guaranteed a plate full of cookies, and the list goes on and on. I’m not saying that this type of rewarding motivation is bad, it’s just more of a short term solution.
Take for example dieting, you’ve been practically starving yourself for an entire week; what do you do (or are supposed to do) at the end of the week – reward yourself for your hard work, and the first thing you do is splurge on a piece of cheesecake, or you go on a shopping spree. This is where most of us go wrong, the reward is in the result itself, it’s within you – and that’s exactly where our motivation should be coming from in the first place.
Intrinsic motivation is the factor I seem to be lacking, and it is the one thing I truly need. Who is going to reward me for writing? Who is going to reward me for eating an apple rather than a brownie? I’m going to reward myself - but to be honest I can do that without even achieving my goals. So, extrinsic motivation isn’t going to help me in the long wrong. My internal desire to do better, and to actually do what I want to do will give me the discipline to go through with it.
It’s interesting how I already know the solution, but have yet to really discover my actual problem – why can’t I get over my writer’s block? I obviously want to write otherwise I wouldn’t have entered this text, but the real problem is rather I haven’t found anything yet worth sharing I guess. Like I said, easier said, than done. Let’s see what my internal motivator has to say…

Thinking of Yester-Year

“You can't have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time.”

I can’t help but think back at the best times of my life. Life is definitely a rollercoaster ride, full of ups and downs, full of memories – some we remember fondly, others we just think of as a blur in time. I don’t know about you, but especially when I’m down, I like to reminisce on the good times that have passed, and pathetically wish to be able to go back and experience them all over again.

Is it pathetic? Or is it a bit inevitable, to yearn for the good old days. Even though what you have going on in the present is quite good, there’s just something about wanting to go back - after all “Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.”

Some may say it’s not beneficial to be stuck in the past, to try and do it all over again. They say those times have gone, and it is now time to focus on the future. We have our memories to take us back like a little time machine, but if we wish to move forward then we have to focus on our dreams. Is it possible that both these suggestions might be slightly wrong? Isn’t the present the most important phase of time? Isn’t that the one thing we should be focused on?

There’s nothing wrong with feeling a bit nostalgic ever once in a while, we wish to be young again, to re-live those zany adventures (however big or small), we were having the time of our lives and we shouldn’t stop ourselves from remembering. What we should be careful of is getting stuck in the past. Trying to actually, literally, re-live those moments when you know they were good then but wouldn’t really work out right now. It’s also not such a great idea to get lost in dreams, if we think too much about the future we tend to lose sight of the present – and thus won’t be able to acquire even more great memories, other great times in which we can think back on and say – what a great day that was, what an amazing vacation, so much fun just hanging out, learning, travelling, taking risks, going to the beach, drinks with my friends… and the list keeps adding on and on.

Like they say, “a moment lasts only seconds, but a memory lasts a lifetime”. Smile about the good times that have passed, learn from the bad ones, keep pushing towards your dreams, and always do your best to live in the now – otherwise you won’t have any memories to be able to reminisce on.

A New Leaf

I figure I've spent my days writing about frustrations in life - especially in work. When you're part of the Entertainment Industry (film, tv, music, etc...) it drains you of so much of your passion sometimes that you get sidetracked. I've been expressing and exposing these issue that have annoyed me and my colleagues for a while now, and I think I've proven my point. When I started this blog, it was meant more to incite motivation and allude change. 

They say that the tried-and-true method can only work for so long, so hopefully I will have more positive things to write about in the following months. I've decided to leave work frustrations at work and focus on more lifestyle crusades to write about instead. So, bare with me as I brainstorm ideas regarding psychology, sociology, the arts, political issues, etc... hopefully making each subject relevant to the daily reader.

Cheers to getting out of my comfort zone... let's see where this takes me

Eye of the Beholder

A Room with a view, wouldn’t that be nice. It might perhaps be a lavish penthouse suite, or a very spacious modern office at the top of a prestigious building (which might as well end up being your penthouse suite), or you might be staying on vacation at one of the top rooms at an exclusive hotel. Whichever room it might be is not what’s truly important, what does matter is the view.
A view from the top means nothing if you’re looking down at ant size people walking around, feeling like you’re better than them. A view of a wall (from the building next door) also doesn’t help in appreciating ones environment. Your view from whichever room you choose needs to be one thing among others – it need to be yours.
Our perceptions are our windows to ourselves, to our manner of thinking and of viewing the world. It doesn’t matter where we are as long as we can have a room with a view – meaning, geography shouldn’t become a factor as long as your view is one of optimism.
You could be at a grand hotel in Paris, looking at the Eifel Tower from your room. Or you could be in New York overlooking Central Park. If you perceive your vision in a pessimistic nature, then that is where you’ve lost yourself in a fog of negativity. Rather than viewing the Park, or the historic monument as just something to look at, or not wanting to take part of going and enjoying these sites because it’s too much of a hassle; try to appreciate what you are looking at. Try to find the greatness in your views of the world, big or small, it doesn’t matter. As long as you take a second to acknowledge your surroundings and appreciate the good, the better off you’ll be and the more your view will increase with happiness and beauty.
If this sounds a bit too fluffed up for you, then look at the facts. Research shows that in order to be more optimistic and happy one should invest more in experiences – the more you spend on experiences rather than on material things, the better you’ll feel in the long run. Stories will only get better with time, as opposed to material things which will eventually have no more use for you. People should also learn to be present, savor the moments and start noticing the good things around them. You don’t necessarily have to stop what you’re doing, just try to be mindful of your actions and acknowledge those moments, which you might not get to experience again.
People who are optimistic are also by nature strivers, they are always pushing, never conforming, and always having to adjust and re-adjust. This is good because it gives them drive and motivation, which make them more likely to reach their goals, and eventually set up more goals – giving them a long list of accomplishments to be proud of.
Just to be clear, happiness and optimism are not the same. Happiness is about today, while optimism is about tomorrow. To be continuously in a good frame of mind will eventually get you to feel happy on a daily basis. And to consistently be on the look out for good things coming your way will suffice your optimistic views of life. They are both key elements to finding success, and great allies to have in this (sometimes frustrating) life. It’s not just about having a room with a great view anymore, you need to a) be able to create your own view and b) be able to appreciate it as well.

Running to Catch Up

What is normal vs. what is normalized...Why do we rationalize our surroundings when we know it's not the best environment? 

I believe it is normal to feel - to be frustrated, happy, sad, etc... and be able to express ourselves. To normalize something happens when we conform to our environments, and to those who believe to be in authority. Of course, I am not advocating for people to have meltdowns and tantrums at the workplace - there is a place and time to blatantly expressourselves, but still it doesn't mean we should just let things rolls off our backs (unless it doesn't really affect us, or unless we really don't care). To have thick skin to many means to be able to roll withh the punches, to not let things get to you... To me, it means to normalize outstanding behavior - to normalize being yelled at, getting stressed over the most insignificant detail, becoming the butler, maid, go-to person whenever your boss needs an emergency psychology session... all this gets rationalized as paying your dues, it's part of the "hazing" that everyone goes through - it's how the weak get separated from the strong; or rather how the normal get de-sensitized to be able to take the worst from the worst.

My question is, is this process really worth it? Is it necessary or can there be another way to prove whether or not a person belongs to the industry? Some people might say why mess with something that has been going on for years? Well because as times change people do as well - everything evolves on some scale.. and are those left behind truly those who are the strongest from the bunch? or are they the ones who slowly loose their common sense and normalize their surroundings in order to reach the top? How effecient have these people proven to be?

For example, by challenging newcomers with tasks that actually have something to do with the job at hand? Giving them projects to analyze, simulate a meeting and make them work under real pressure; by actually showing them what it means to do your job and seeing if they have what it takes if far greater than having them run around like headless chickens, screaming at them for not getting your coffee right, etc... is worthless in my eyes. Maybe by initiating them into the workforce, rather than hazing them for a year or so, there would be more competent and content people working out there.

The last thing a recent grad (or anyone for that matter) wants to do is become an insignificant tool within a company. Us youngesters want to prove ourselves. So, give us real responsibilities and we will show you just how productive and beneficil we can be.

This however, is a vicious cycle which can only start to change if WE do something about it. We have a voice, we have motives, and we have skills. Things would run more efficiently if we wouldn't normalize this hazing ritual, and instead re-make the workplace into a normal environment where conforming is substituted with compromise and not with being exploited.

Too Much or Not Enough

Do you re-call me previous blog entry: “Pushing and Shoving”? Well, just to summarize, I touched upon the reality for most recent graduates who have been having a hard time finding a job due to their lack of experience. I still stand by what I said, but now, after talking to some friends who were previously employed and now are back at zero – I’ve realized they are having the same difficulties in getting new jobs as well. The reason? Too much experience.
Ironic huh? In other words, due to the on-going recession (the Government isn’t fooling anyone, we’re still hurting) the majority of companies have gone to extreme measures and have had to cut their budgets – meaning less money for employees. So by hiring people who are barely starting, they can get away with paying them next to nothing. That’s right; minimum wage is no longer the norm for just McDonald’s workers. Having a Bachelor’s degree doesn’t seem to make that much of a difference in monetary terms – at least not in the Entertainment Industry. Sucks, I know.
So, what incentives are these media people offering young eager people who already have experience and want to take the next step in their careers? Or for those unfortunate others who had to be laid off? Beats me. The potential to learn and grow within a company, or the promise that if you work hard for a year or two will eventually pay off when taking the next step seems like a dream of yester-year. Working your butt off nowadays means that you will continue to pay your dues until some form of miracle happens and you finally get the job you always wanted – and even then you will have to keep digging deep to keep it and you will have to work just as hard to continue to love it. Sounds like taking the ultimate sacrifice for the sake of a job right? Wrong.
The incentive to work in such a difficult environment is no longer external. You gain experience everyday, you meet new people everyday, network anywhere you can (if you meet the Director of Creative Affairs of a major studio in the bathroom you need to find a way to introduce yourself – easier if you’re a girl, just compliment her shoes); being able to grow in the right direction is now up to YOU. And the drive that keeps you going in a seemingly unfair trade is your passion for the Industry, your belief in writing, directing, producing, acting, representing the crème de la crème, etc… In today’s world, you need to be in charge of your motivation. Our incentives are internal; we push ourselves and put up with so much bull in order to get to the next step. Once we reach it, we realize that you have to continue to push, reach, fight, and yes, cry your way to the top.
Anyone who enters the realms of Hollywood knows it’s not an easy task. Rejection is not just for actors or models, “thick skin” is required but it’s not as important as having a strong belief in yourself. We are here for a purpose, and unfortunately it will take us a bit of time to find out what that purpose is. It doesn’t matter really, everything changes, we will have our ups and downs, but as long as we maintain focus on our dreams and passions, I’m sure we’ll be able to survive this struggle. Rejection is not really all that personal – overqualified, under-qualified, chemistry, competence; these are mere factors that shouldn’t play such a gigantic role in our work life. If you have a passion for the industry and are able to communicate it efficiently to the right person, you are very likely to land that dream job and keep pushing – because this is what you chose, this is where you want to be, and all the sweat and tears will be worth it. Only the strong survive, and only you can build up that necessary strength. Don’t be discouraged if you had to start from scratch and no one is making you a great offer, it’s not really their true choice – so many factors align in these decisions that it’s unfair for both parties sometimes. And if you have little experience and are having a tough time finding an entry level job, the same goes for you, all you need to do is show how much you are willing to invest in your work and how much it will pay off for both. Passion is key for most things in life, but right now, it’s an integrate part of putting yourself on the map and positioning yourself in the right direction. Whenever you feel discouraged, remind yourself of why you are here, why you want to be a Producer, Director, etc… and you’ll be able to continue moving. And if you can’t think of why, then I suggest you re-evaluate your situation - maybe this wasn’t the right place for you after all. There’s no shame, as long as you are able to find your passion and drive, you are one step closer to being where you’ve always wished to be, but most importantly, to be where you deserve to be.

Building Blocks

Leaving your mark on the world is beyond difficult for me to even wrap my mind around. There is a vast ocean of things one could do, and places and industries where one could work in, that to choose one thing seems limited and unfair. We’re not used to thinking about our capabilities in more than one thing, but to be honest it’s what we’ve always done. In school we would juggle 8 different classes in one day, we would then come home from school and go to other classes like dance, piano, soccer, tennis, etc… Then when in high school, most students get part time jobs, same goes for college students. We’ve been multitasking for a while now, so why would we decide to stick with just one thing now that we’re all grown up (and so much more capable). My question is, if you were working at X company, and were suddenly able to establish your very own company, a) would you do it? And b) what would your company be?
There are a lot of people that are content with being the employee, there’s less pressure and stress trying to carry an entire company (no matter how small it might be), doing your job and receiving a pay check is enough for them. This doesn’t mean they are less passionate about their jobs than others; it’s just more comforting to be taken care of than to take care of others. To be fully responsible for your staff and company transactions, doing every thing possible for your company to thrive is very risky and nerve racking. But, to be the boss has its very nice advantages too. You run the place, no one moves unless you approve, and if you’re successful you can run more companies and be the overall “big man on campus.” Not a bad way to live, huh? Especially when you’re ambitious.
Well, I’ve been employed for roughly over a year now, and I think I like the idea of being your own boss, rather than following instructions and doing things for other people. Don’t get me wrong, I love to help out and be productive, not to mention that great feeling of “I pulled off a miracle!!!” - but sometimes I just want to do my own thing on my won time. It’s really hard to be your own boss in the Film Industry; most people are actually independent contractors – especially those who work on film sets. But, to form your own company when you’re just starting out is one of the most difficult things to do in Hollywood. You lack sooo much experience when you first get here, it’s not even funny. Everyone here starts from the very bottom (unless your Spielberg’s kid, and even then you’re not guaranteed a big position when you first start). The Entertainment Industry is like no other; there are no set rules, everything is more of an understanding and there are a number of rites of passage. However, there is no better way to learn than through experience here, and for that you need to start as an Assistant.
Everyone in LaLa Land knows exactly what being an assistant is, and to be honest, it’s not for everyone. Confused? Let me clear it up. Being an assistant in Hollywood is not the same as being a secretary. Being an assistant to a Film Producer, Agent, Manager, Executive, Studio Head, etc… is being their shadow, their go-to person, their apprentice and their “punching bag”, among other famed titles like business manager, banker, driver, doctor, and the famed and loathed title of Psychologist.
It’s really not what people sign up for, but it’s the first step to making it here. If you can survive the first 2 years of being an assistant, you can survive just about anything. You learn the business, how to be resourceful, creative, and efficient – not to mention, learning some pretty useful survival techniques. Once this “boot camp-like/hell week” is over, you’re off to your next step. Here is where you may actually have the ability to choose your area of expertise. But, it has come with a price, you slaved for 2 years and you still have a long way to go to reach the top. Unfair? I’d say so. But, it’s the way it has always been so, no one does anything – they all just complain, ALL of them.
I don’t plan on ruffling any feathers here in Hollywood, nor am I going to try to create a rebellion against the Hollywood Monarchy. But, I do wish I could build up my own company within the Industry, and slowly create positive change. It’s going to take a while, but hopefully in the end it’ll be worth it. There have been a lot of people of have actually tried to establish a company based on morale, but have failed at the hand of the blood sucking Industry – no wonder the vampire trend has yet to lose speed. However, there might still hope, after all Hollywood movies are famed for their happily-ever-after endings.
So, referring back to my question, if I were able to establish my own company would I do it? Yes! In a heartbeat. What type of company would it be? I would love to create a corporation and have a variety of diverse companies under it – film production, talent management, maybe a magazine, some franchises, etc… the number of options are limitless, no matter what anyone says. Why not try out different things and be good at more than just one thing? We all have various skills that can be channelled to different things. So, instead of criticizing celebrities for trying to do it all, get inspired. Come one, if the Olsen twins could form a very profitable Empire by the time they turned 18, you can certainly put on your thinking cap, and see what innovative business you can integrate to the world.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Whistling while you work is one thing, but sneezing while you work is not cool. Annoying your co-workers whilst you whistle isn’t so bad, you can just stop and/or switch to humming – irritating your co-workers can be funny… sometimes. But, when you’re sick and sneezing, couching, and not making any sense when you speak then that is no fun at all. A) You feel crummy and are not properly motivated (or capable) of working. B) Your co-workers will treat you like the plague or a leper (no one wants to get sick, so they’ll maintain their distance). And C) staying at home and sleeping is your best bet, but it’s not really an acceptable thing to do. In a nutshell, being sick sucks, and it’s worse when you have to work.
Most companies give their employee’s “sick days” from which they are allowed to call in sick without feeling guilty of not going to work and thus delaying a deal or leaving clients high and dry. Unfortunately, in my industry, calling in sick makes you look like a wimp; everyone is expected to come in to work no matter how sick (or hungover) you are. If you have a migraine, take Exedrin; have a cold, DayQuil; etc… No one ever tells their employees to take the day off and get some rest, and most of us feel guilty asking, we would hate for it to translate into an excuse to just not come in. You’ve probably seen your boss working 24/7 no matter how stressed out and sick they might be, so you don’t want to be considered the weak link just because your body functions differently. Many of the execs and heads of companies can afford the best doctors and medicine, thus they are able to work with out the need of rest because of all the “superman” pills they take. We on the other hand are stuck with over the counter stuff that only works temporarily, and most of the time we don’t even take what we should – what do we know? If the bottle says it will take care of a fever, nose congestion, headache, stomach pains, and irritated eyes we’ll take it even though our main problem is a soar throat. We don’t know any better when it comes to over the counter medication, and we don’t know any better when it comes to calling in sick.
Would you rather call in sick on a day you don’t feel 100% and you’d rather just skip working and stay at home watching TV – sort of like skipping class. Or, would you rather call in sick because you have an interview for a waaay better job and don’t want anyone to find out about it until you actually get it? I’m guessing you’d opt for both. But, then comes this little irritating reality (at least for me) called karma. If you called in sick on a day that you actually could have gone to work without a problem, then eventually your lie will catch up to you. With all the extra stress and guilt of making up excuses, you’ll end up actually being sick– enough not to be able to go to work, but you’ll have to suck it up because you called in sick last week, so calling in sick again will only perpetuate your image of being a weak little person who will use the “sick excuse” any chance they get. It’s a no win situation if you ask me.
So, is it worth telling these little white lies to get out of going to work? Or will it come back to bite you in the end? In an ideal world, work would be like school – if you really don’t feel well, then you can stay at home watching TV as you drift in and out of sleep. When you get back you will have a whole lot of catching up to do, but at least now you’ll be clear-headed and properly capable of dealing with your responsibilities and stress. In the real world, I say, be prepared to issue those little white lies every once in a while, but also anticipate that you might have to use them again very soon – and you’ll need a different plan to carry it out. Outsmart your boss, and be wise about the choices you make at work. Like the saying goes, if you’re going to do something wrong, then do it right. And, if you truly are sick and know that you’ll recover faster by staying at home, then call in sick – you’re more of a coward if you prefer not to call, than calling because you need rest. In the end it’s just a job; your health and happiness is way more important and should be number one on your list of priorities – it’s better not to get paid on a sick day, than to get fired for having sneezed in your bosses face, or being so out of it that you email the wrong person confidential information about the company.
And if you have an in at another place for a better job, then take it and see what happens – you might miss out on something really good if you decide to not risk it and stay in the same place with no hope of moving up. It’s your health, your career and your future; do whatever you think is best, and make the necessary sacrifices only when necessary.

Down the Road Apiece

When I talk or write about something I have a strong opinion about, I tend to express myself in a very animated and affective manner. It might become misinterpreted as a negative energy coming from a source of anger. I know I might speak with some intensity, but in my perspective, I’m just simply saying what I think and believe. There are certain subjects that I am very passionate about, and there are others that bring out frustrations.
In this day and age I can assure you that there are more frustrations than contentment around the world. And all I’m trying to do via this blog is bring awareness to what others might be dealing with in the hope that they might feel comforted knowing that they share their dilemmas and unfairness with others. It’s not so much that misery loves company; rather, it’s more of a let’s try to turn that frown upside down type of thing.
In bringing awareness to these situations I am trying to keep my values and priorities in order, preaching without the ability to back it up isn’t really my way of being. If you read between the lines of what I write about, you’ll realize I’m emphasizing the unfairness and inequalities that some people (mostly those of my generation) might be going through. They might be serious, or they might be mundane frustrations, I try to give them a glimmer of hope in that things will eventually get better. But, you have to work at helping your situation – no fairy godmother or genie is going to wish your worries away. If you want to be happy, you have to find ways to deal with your concerns in order to achieve your goal, rather than looking the other way and just faking it.
It’s a true sadness that in today’s world, being realistic has become associated with being bitter and negative. Thinking in realistic terms doesn’t mean that you can’t be a romantic and a dreamer. Being realistic is knowing what you want, what you are capable of, and how to reach your goal. Being realistic is knowing who you are, and not being bothered with the need to conform into what you think you should be in order to have people think of you a certain way. I feel blessed in the sense that I know who I am, and I’m ok with it. I don’t feel the need to convince anyone of my opinions or manner of being, I just am.
Through my writing, I show you who I am little by little – you get to know my interests, perspectives, motivations and of course, my opinions. The subjects I parlay don’t necessarily apply to me (not everything is personal), but they might apply to others – including you Dear Reader. All I am responsible of is shining a small light on the situations I see happening around me. Unfortunately some of them might have a negative appeal, but you will (hopefully) realize that in each of my blogs there is a moral to the story – life doesn’t have to be so complicated and down, it really sucks if it is BUT you need to be aware of your surroundings in order to be able to help change them into something better for yourself and for others. Whining is unacceptable if you’re not doing something about it.
I grew up watching Disney movies religiously, and so I’ve grown up learning how to read between the lines – and before you even start, no, this is not an expose on the racist and anti-feminist underlying tendencies of the Disney characters – my point is, if you remember these Disney films, you’ll see that they all had to struggle in someway in their journey in order to get their “happily ever after.” This very notion is embedded in my way of viewing life: nothing is perfect, and it doesn’t need to be; there is a solution to each problem; you need to learn how to fight for yourself; and most importantly for me, you have to learn how to be yourself and be able to express who you are without fear. If Belle from “Beauty and the Beast” would have let the townspeople win, she wouldn’t have set the Beast free. Right?? Like I said you have to read between the lines, not everything is spelled out for us, and it is our job to interpret these messages as best we can to help our situation. This is the main reason for why I started this blog, so that I can be able take things off my chest and try to find ways to make these concerns turn into better situations.
I take time to enjoy the good things in life, being grateful for what I have and the people I get to call friends. But I also don’t blind myself or turn my back to the bad. Having said that, I want to thank those who have taken the time to read what I have to say – it truly means a lot to me, and I hope you’ve been able to relate to what I write about in some way. We’re all in the same boat trying to reach land (our goal of happiness and fulfilment). All I ask is that you help me row, so we can get their together (& faster ☺).

Speak from the Heart

Is it just me or have you become just as overwhelmed with all the headlines the press has been shooting our way lately – Haiti (globally important), President’s State of the Union address (politically important), Golden Globes (important for Hollywood), SAG Awards (important for Actors), launch if the iPad (important for technology), US still in national debt (politically and economically important), the Australian Open (athletically important), Avatar biggest grossing movie of all time (important to the industry, economy, and James Cameron), etc…. obviously there’s a lot more going on, BUT, just you wait… in two weeks all the frenzy, believe it or not –will be revolving around Valentine’s Day. Sad, but true. With so much going on, it is very likely that people will want to use this day as an excuse to escape and be selfish and superficial and just want to celebrate the love in their lives without any judgment or guilt. I understand, and am on board with taking a break for the harsh reality we live in. However, the actual meaning of this holiday has been distorted over the years and has come to mean something different not just to people across the country, but to people across the world as well. When did all the lovey dovey nonsense surpass the celebration of love all around?

The army of cupcakes, heart shaped cookies and cakes; red and pink balloons, flowers; cards and billboards; chocolates, champagne and strawberries will be invading us very soon. We live in a society where heart shaped candy that says “I Love You” is an acceptable tool to use when the words simply can’t seem to come out of you own heart. This is a holiday in which actions (and materialism) actually speak louder than words. I don’t get it…

A friend of mine sends me a daily horoscope, so that I can “be prepared for whatever the day may bring me”. None of it every happens, but it’s still kind of comforting to be prepared for something than for nothing. This week I have been receiving horoscopes that highlight my love life – if I’m already in a relationship, then it will only get better; if I’m single, then the love of my life is just around the corner. The timing couldn’t be more perfect – Valentine’s Day is on it’s way, and I am getting positive cosmic vibes telling me that I will soon find love, and thus will be able to celebrate it.

I have observed some cultural differences in the way this day of love is perceived around the world – and I’ve noticed that people in the U.S. nowadays take this day way more seriously than others do. For example, in France, a "High Court of Love" was established in Paris on Valentine's Day in 1400. The court dealt with love contracts, betrayals, and violence against women. In Latin America the day is known as “Day of Love and Friendship,” in Finland it is known as “Friends Day,” in Portugal “Day of Lovers,” and the list goes on and on…. There are so many meanings behind this day, but the one that surpasses them here in the states is “Single Awareness Day” a.k.a. SAD (ironic). On Singles Awareness Day, single people gather to celebrate or to commiserate in their single status – isn’t that the same as getting together with friends, family? Do you really need to be attached to someone romantically to appreciate and celebrate this holiday?
In my opinion, I think it is absurd to exaggerate ones expression of love for life, family, friends, and loved ones on this specific day. If you love someone (anyone) this should be expressed and appreciated every single day. If you truly feel lucky to have these people in your life, then that is something they should know on a regular basis. Why hype up the holiday and add pressure on people who are happy just as they are - not needing to buy presents, and pay for expensive dinners, or feel bad that they are single, or in an unhappy relationship. Generalizing what you should be doing on this day, it  A) throws the “surprise factor” out the window  B) everything now is a complete cliché  C) it builds pressure around a relationship (especially for the guy)  D) it excludes people.

In order to make a reservation at one of the nicest restaurants for this day, you have to call 3 months in advance, otherwise forget about it. Chocolates are used more by single people as a way of eating their emotions, cards are floating all over the place saying sentimental romantic phrases because you (the person in love) couldn’t come up with anything to say? Really? By buying in to this generic form of celebration it makes people spend money they could have used for something else, it makes women have extremely high expectations for this day to be perfect – will he propose? Where will he take me? What surprise does he have for me? For guys, it makes them feel like the have to do something extra special for their girl on this day (if they remember).

Showing someone how much you love them is the best form of expression, but, it shouldn’t be limited to this one specific day just because someone decided to make February 14 into the “universal” day of love. Everyday love, in general, should be appreciated and expressed – when it’s gone it is one of the most horrible emotions one can feel, and not having cherished it on a daily basis may become a great regret in the future. So if you are married, in a relationship, yes celebrate this day with the your loved one, but don’t limit yourself to showing how much you care for them to only happen on Valentine’s Day. Also, include all the rest of the people you love and appreciate having in your life – family and friends are truly precious and shouldn’t be taken for granted either. And if you are single, please don’t be S.A.D., it isn’t the end of the world, and there are plenty of people you can share this day with who love you and feel lucky to have you in their lives. Valentine’s Day is coming at us full throttle, will you succumb to its pressures, or will you take it as any other day and continue to spread the love just like you do through out the year? I say let Peace and Love reign!

They Need Your Help

It’s sad how a tragedy needs to occur to get one’s priorities in order. The Haiti earthquake disaster has shifted the world’s attention, and has given us a reason to do good for others. Disasters like these will push us back to the “good” people we know we can be, some turn to prayer even though they haven’t been very religious for a long time. Others create charities, fundraisers, and events to bring awareness and raise the necessary money for doctors, re-construction, food, shelter, assistance of any and every sort. When we see tragedies unfold all over the world it can scare a lot of people, but it can also make them feel guilty for taking for granted everything they have in their lives.
What would you do if one day everything was taken from you, no home, no family, nothing. And everyone around you is in the same situation. You walk around where you used to live, lucky to still be alive, but in complete pain because you’ve lost everything dear to you. If I try to put myself in the shoes of all those orphans in Haiti, of the people who have lost their homes, of those trying to rescue and help – it’s too overwhelming, I honestly don’t know what I would do. I know what I would like to do – help; but at the same time I feel so powerless, and so guilty to be healthy and have my family – there are so many things that are taken for granted on a daily basis, replaced with superficial stupidity. I see people all the time with mixed up priorities, and it truly bothers me. In Hollywood a person is more likely to freak out and get furious over a salad that came without bacon when they very specifically ASKED FOR BACON! Or, they will spend the entire day grooming themselves to “perfection” spending money on nails, hair, clothes, expensive food (which shouldn’t be expensive in the first place – I’m sorry but $20 for a Caesar Salad? Ridiculous), but not pay their bills, their kids tuition, or even their staff. If they can’t get a table at a certain restaurant they get offended, if the Bentley they want isn’t in the color they want then they throw a fit. And then a worldwide wake up call happens and all of a sudden everyone remembers how to be (or at least act like) a decent human being. But how many of them actually do something about it? After the exposure is finished they go back to their plastic ways, and continue on with their “very important” daily routines; meanwhile the world is still suffering, still in need.
With so much to give very seldom people will do it, unless of course it makes them look good in the public’s eye. If Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are donating, then I will too. Please, that has nothing to do with helping out the poor people stricken with this disaster. Writing a check is only significant if you mean to help, if you check every day how things are going, if you can do anything else, send food, help raise awareness and bring to light all the necessary elements that could be put to good use.
It truly is sad that a tragedy has to occur to a) bring people together b) make people aware of worldwide news and events c) get us to put our priorities in order d) stop taking for granted what we indulge in every day – it’s interesting to think that health, family, food, etc.. are actual luxuries that some people don’t get to enjoy of.
Join me in helping the Haiti Earthquake relief, there are so many organizations out there trying their best to help the situation as much as possible – try to imagine yourself in their situation, and help them as you would like them to help you.

www.haitirelieffund.org
www.haitiaction.net/About/HERF/HERF.html
www.worldvision.org/
www.redcross.org/

No Child Left Behind

Schools around the U.S. have taken a different route in their teaching and evaluation requirements, making it worse for students in the long run. “As deadlines approached for schools to start making passage of the exams a requirement for graduation, and practice tests indicated that large numbers of students would fail, many states softened standards, delayed the requirement or added alternative paths to a diploma.”

Wouldn’t it make more sense to better prepare students for college, rather than making it easier to pass a test, which may or may not even be useful to them. A true or false question, or a multiple choice question answered right, doesn’t make for better performance in college. Professors, teachers, parents and students need to step it up. Standardized tests have never been anyone’s favorite exam, but if it has gotten too difficult for students now, instead of making it easier for them, why not take a different approach. Essay questions and presentations might be a better way for getting kids to actually understand what they are learning and not just memorizing for the sake of an exam. Standardization of school material means that kids learn how to increase their memory for specific data, and soon after the exam is over, they are quick to dispose of the info. This is how schools teach kids to believe, rather than to think. Is this truly the best way to prepare kids for a college education? Or is watering down the tests to make it easier for them a better way? If test scores are down it might also mean that children have no interest or desire to try their best, and the economic situation as of late may have catapulted their apathetic view of education. For them it is something forced upon them, for teachers it is a job and their lack of pushing their students to reach their potential may also be a problem.

So, if standardized tests don’t really show how prepared a student is for life after high school, then what do they show? Or rather, why are they used? Is it a mechanism used for separating the weak from the strong? Who will be moving forward and who will end up working at a gas station? Or is it a way for the government to make more money? It makes no sense, we are all different, we learn differently, we express ourselves differently, so what if a multiple choice test is not our forte, but we might be a genius if you would just let us tell you what we learned and how it works? Will the school board listen, categorize the child as lazy, lacking knowledge or logic? How in the world is this fair?

When applying to a college, your SAT scores are important, I get that. But, what the admissions office really looks at are your essays, and the way you differentiate yourself from the rest. Any kid who is applying to a college is smart, they know that. What’s important is how they have used their knowledge, how their experiences have affected who they are and how they’ve handled themselves in life. Shouldn’t this type of expression and learning also be included in a child’s education?

The No Child Left Behind Act “calls for every state to set standards in reading and math, and for every student to be proficient at those subjects by 2014.” It was meant to be a motivator and potential mover. In reality it hasn’t done all that much other than ironically leave kids behind. It was meant to lift up the test scores for minority groups, but now it seems that kids in general are having a hard time with these tests, and making them easier won’t get them anywhere.

The Obama administration is set to use a “Congressional rewriting of the federal law later this year to toughen requirements on topics like teacher quality and academic standards and to intensify its focus on helping failing schools.” Let’s hope that by increasing educational quality all around will help get these kids motivated, interested and capable of taking on life after high school – it’s not easy, and by making it seem like it is will only jeopardize their futures.

All the World is a Stage

Everybody loves a good scandal, as long as it’s happening to someone else, someone not all that real to us, someone we can hate/love without actually having to interact with them. Our ideal candidates? Public & political figures, celebrities, and as of lately athletes. It has gotten to a point where “we the public” can now dictate a person’s worth based on actions that have nothing to do with their profession. Is a candidate for presidency not capable of running office because he/she cheated on their spouse? We learned with Bill Clinton that it doesn’t matter, and whatever goes on in their personal lives is none of our concern. But, we love to humiliate the powerful and all mighty; show them their flaws and make them known all around. You are not so grand and your personal life is a mess, this is what we tell them in our own way. Well, wouldn’t that be their problem, not ours? The public’s “power” has transformed into a ridiculous judiciary system where we put these “public figures” on trial for all the world to judge. How do we know that what we are judging is even true? And shouldn't we be judging and checking that they do their job responsibly and as best they can?
Mel Gibson recently said he felt bad for Tiger Woods, and that the whole situation of his various infidelities is being blown way out of proportion – you think? "Why are we talking about this when we're sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan?” said Gibson... “He's being used as a diversion, and it just drives me crazy." I agree, there are so many other more important things happening in the world, things that actually have an effect on the great majority of the worlds inhabitants, and here we are watching headlines all over the place about Tiger Woods and what he did, the fact that he has decided to take a break from what has made him so great – he is an athlete, he very seldom failed as a pro; and now due to all the scrutiny about his personal issues he has decided to take a break from continuing to accomplish his dream. Sean Penn did the same when his marriage was falling apart; he took a break from acting after just having won an Academy Award. Interesting trend, as soon as these people reach an important accomplishment or success, they are quick to fall. Why should their personal lives matter to the public, and why should they affect their careers? There is no justification in their actions, and I can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact that they feel like they need to “act responsibly” in order to appease the public, rather than doing it for themselves. Where am I getting the idea that their attempts at reformation are for the public rather than for their families? Perhaps from their very public announcements? Or from the fact that we refuse to let them get away with it – boycott their films, endorsed products, etc… If they are going to reform that is great, but it should be done for them and their family, truly. Why make a speech, do an interview and address the issue, making it into something worthy of attention?
Is it their fault or ours as an audience? Both I guess. We tend to prefer soft news versus hard news, maybe because we are so used to fictionalized and sensationalized drama. We see it everywhere and it’s become easy to manipulate and create these events at our request. These public figures aren’t real to us, they are simply characters meant for our entertainment, everything about them is made up in our minds, made up by the press, made up by themselves- we forget they are real people. Isn’t it better to see a celebrity in yet another scandal than to see the reality of those poor people who are in grave danger on a daily basis finding themselves as collateral for a war they didn't wish upon themselves?
Some people might say that the news is a plethora of negativity, it’s just one catastrophe after another: death, disasters, war, hunger, poverty, etc… the list is never ending. Meanwhile, the tabloids are full of sensationalized stories that read like a soap opera, full of juicy gossip on people you don’t even know, but people you have come to love or hate a.k.a. “the popular crowd” people seen from afar, easy targets for gossip and bashing. I really don’t want to think that ignorance is the reason for why people would prefer reading about an actor/athlete gone wrong, rather than read about what bill’s are being passed by Congress, which issues are not being addressed by our government, etc… If the public can be so powerful as to control what we want to read and learn about, then we should be directing such focus on reality, on world events, on finding solutions to the many problems that plague our newsrooms. Yes, the world is not a perfect place, and neither are the people in it. I’m just asking that our attention be directed towards more substantial issues rather than who is dating whom. At this point I would have thought that we would be over the whole “high school” notion of what is newsworthy. So the man cheated on his wife, why on earth should you care? This problem is between him and his wife, and the reformation should be for the benefit of his family - that’s it, you are out of the picture, and so are all your judgements. Try to re-direct that anger towards this person you don’t even know, and focus on the evils of the world, try to think of ways to make it better. If you don’t want the news to be so negative then you shouldn’t be either. More important issues and situations need our attention. Be the powerful public that makes them come to light.

From Start to Finish

To go big, you have to think small. Sounds contradicting right? Well with all the New Year Resolutions circling about that is exactly what the experts are advising. They say we need to set up short-term goals that you know you’ll accomplish, all the while not losing focus on the big picture. Hmm… seems easier said than done. But, it makes sense to take it step by step. I used to have that type of reasoning whenever I played tennis, focus on the next point, not the entire game. By playing each point individually I would play my best and eventually accomplish my goal. I wouldn’t get distracted, or concerned about how much longer I had to play in order to win, etc… The key is to stay focused on the big picture by breaking it into smaller pictures, which in the end will lead up to your very own movie.
It’s like when you have a jam-packed day at work, 100 things need to get done and before you even start you’re already stressed out of your mind. When this happens, you need to take a deep breath, and prioritize your tasks, make up a list and tackle them one by one. Before you know it you’ll have finished more than you thought.
This manner of rationalizing goals and accomplishments has been around for a long time now, taken for granted by civilians but greatly used by governments throughout time. Think about it, how do countries get taken over? The army doesn’t just rampage around the entire country taking down everything in site. They take over city by city, town by town until there’s no other choice than to surrender – the enemy is all around and there is no where else to turn to. Ok, that’s a little extreme.
A more relatable goal might be to run a marathon. That would be your long-term goal. How are you going to accomplish it? By setting smaller goals. I will run x amount of miles this week, I will change my diet, I will join a training group, etc… By accomplishing these short-term goals, you are most likely to run across that finish line.
Have you noticed that 99% of new years resolution are about improving oneself? Losing weight, quit smoking, be more conscientious about money… it’s like we’re making ourselves into failures before the year even starts, I don’t understand why.

365 days is a long time, and things might get side tracked, not a big deal. Why do we have to make ourselves start to improve right after New Years Eve. How many people said to themselves: this will be my last cigarette, this will be my last piece of cake, starting tomorrow I will practically be living at the gym, etc…And I will start my new lifestyle January 1st.

Improving oneself shouldn’t have a time frame, it should be continuous and you should start whenever you feel ready. Why can’t that be our long-term goal? To improve oneself on a daily basis. I bet that with that type of reasoning and practice, we could end up becoming better and better as the days pass. The point is to get to where it is no longer a burden you need to practice; it’ll become a part of you and how you grow as a person. New Years Resolutions are fine in the sense that it makes you want to put things in perspective, but instead of looking at the whole year to accomplish something, make it a daily routine. You might lose focus on the long-term goal, but at least it’ll already be an integrate part of you. Practice what you preach, and don’t complain if you refuse to act on your problem or you're friends will end up claiming their New Years Resolution was to drop fussy friends who whine all the time.

Gold Star at the End of the Day?

Which would you rather be – the tortoise or the hare? Would you rather work hard at a steady pace, learn as you go until you finally reach your goal? Or, would you rather speed ahead and teleport to where you want to be? Honestly, I would rather get there faster. I’ve always been one of those people who run instead of walk. Patience has not really been one of my strongest assets; and in turn I tend to fall more than those who take their time to calculate how and when they will jump, I just leap forward not quite sure of where I’m going to land. Does it really matter if you know or don’t? The answer is debatable, unless you’re literally going to jump – then you better know where your next step is going to be or you’ll end up landing in the hospital.
What truly matters to me is how you adapt and handle the situations you find yourself in. If you skipped ahead of the line, then you better know what you’re doing, and if you don’t then I suggest you apply your speediness and learn fast. If you are going to make it step by step please don’t be lazy or you’ll find yourself in the same step for a looong time. In either scenario, one thing is for sure: you have to work hard. You have to be diligent no matter what, never arrogant. Even though you may have been catapulted to the finish line, you still have to work hard to stay at the top.
If you choose to be the hare, then go full throttle on everything you do. Don’t go by the fable and take a nap because you think you’re ahead. In that short lapse of time someone else will come and take your place – their diligence will make them worthy of the position and your laziness will make it seem as if you have taken your job for granted and maybe never even deserved it in the first place. Thinking just because it came to you with ease, then everything else will fall in to place too will only lead to trouble.
Remember my blog about following through? Take another look; it applies to most things you’ll encounter in any environment, but especially at work. Just because the King made you a knight doesn’t mean all you’ll end up doing is gallivanting about enjoying the same luxuries as HRH. Eventually, he will send you to battle because he thinks you are capable of such endeavors. If you go to war not knowing how to do the job you will probably end up losing one way or another.
Don’t try and skip steps with the notion of just getting ahead of the pack, do it because you know you are capable and deserving of such position. What goes up must come down, unless you’ve figured out a way to fight the good fight in order to stay in that place, or continue to go higher. Hard work is always necessary – don’t let anybody fool you.

I Am Me, Who Are You?

Now that the Holiday’s are over, it’s back to reality for most of us – job, school, etc… And I’m not going to lie; I could have stayed at home a little longer. There’s just something so comforting about being at home with your family and friends you’ve known since forever – you can just be yourself. At work you have a specific title and responsibilities, at school you have to go to class, study and make time to have a social life. At home 90% of what you do is socialize and the other 10% is spent sleeping.
This made me wonder where people mostly feel that they can be themselves. Is it at home? Or is it at work, where their job description defines them? Maybe it’s in school, where they may express themselves through their knowledge? What is it about a person and their surroundings that define them?
In philosophy, identity is “whatever makes an entity definable and recognizable.” That could be just about anything from a laugh to a profession. I work in an industry that is so consumed with image that they fade away the shadows of who they used to be, and build a new identity altogether – something light years away from who they once were, they change their values, their perceptions and behaviors for something they think will be more acceptable in their line of work. The Film Industry is not an easy environment to be in, and to hold on to ones identity without getting lost in the sea of mirrors and smoke is something to truly admire.
Actors, for example, make a career out of pretending to be someone else. Does their profession define them as fictitious people – just like the characters they play? Or is it a way to escape their true identities, personalities that the public can’t seem to get enough of, and even those personal traits and events are fabricated for the public’s eye. Do we really ever get to know a celebrity? Do they dare show their true colors or do they not even know them anymore? There are so many ways to label a person, it sometimes seems unfair. Why should someone else’s perception of you define you? Why should your job define you? Your friends, family, etc… Only you can define who you are. The key is to be comfortable with yourself, with your environment and the people that surround you on a daily basis. I feel more like me when I’m at home because of the freedom I sometimes take for granted in other areas of my life. At home I am free to speak my mind, to manage my own schedule - make one up or let randomness take over, answer my phone if I want to or not, etc.... At work you have to be careful with what you say out loud, to your boss, clients, everything is so thought out that it seems scripted – not natural, eventually not you. At school, you can truly discover who you are, and who you want to be, it’s a great experience; but in the end it's still somewhat of a work in progress, your almost there but not quite yet.
Even though I believe it is a good thing to know who you are; I’m not asking anyone to label themselves in certain ways depending on what you do, think or say. People change. But most of the time you’ll come to realize how much of a lifesaver it is to be sure of yourself, your values, opinions, etc… In a world where most people just go with the flow, and follow the flock, being you will be the best way to remedy any frustration you might have with the outside world. A phony person is beyond easy to detect, and the humiliation of being exposed is not something anyone will ever enjoy. It is better to be you, in all areas of your life, and let your identity define the type of job you do, the type of friends you make, the type of relationship you maintain with your family, etc… Why let external factors determine anything? It shouldn’t be so hard to just be yourself.