Which is worse?
a) Losing someone because you’re afraid to love them
b) Holding on to someone who doesn’t love you because you’re too afraid of losing them
For most it would seem that option b would be the worst. It is a type of masochism after all, self inflicting suffering because we know the person that we love does not love us. And even so we keep at it, waiting for them to make the decision for us – break it off or realize that you DO love me. The problem is we can’t force someone to feel a certain way, and we most certainly cannot demand anything from anyone. If we decide to chase after something that has already been lost then all we will find is disappointment, and of course heart break. But, in a way we know all this – in a twisted way we know what we’re doing is wrong, and no one is hurting us other than ourselves. We suffer because we want to, and it’s one of the worst feelings. All you can ask yourself is, why? Why doesn’t he love me back? Why did he stop loving me? Why can’t it just be simple? Why can’t this work? Why, why why? Well, the good thing about this question is that there is an answer to it. Either it be because he met someone else, you were too clingy, he wants to focus on other things and doesn’t have time for a relationship – it can be complete BS, BUT, there is an answer to Why?
On the other hand, there is NO answer for What If? Which is the one which I believe is the worst option – a. Losing someone because you are too afraid to commit is the worst for me, because you leave things floating in the air, you never took the chance to see if it would work. Is it better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all? Yes! Being afraid is no good – but holding on to something you know has no future will end eventually. There will be suffering but it will go away with time. Not knowing what could have happened will only grow with time. Why break off something that you don’t know yet will work or not. Why would you be so afraid of trying? I say jump off the diving board, you will either sink or swim – but you tried, and now you KNOW!
Being left with what if is a horrible feeling, you make up so many alterantive endings to that story that you keep wondering and wondering, and you go back to see where you could have done something and your life could have changed. We live and we learn, but if we’re too afraid to to actually live, then what will we learn? Not doing something is what you will probably regret down the line, than having done something and failed.
For me, losing someone because you’re too afraid to love them is the worst. Its better to look back and know you tried, than be left wondering what could have been. Take the risk, I may be more of an optimist than I thought, but you never know – it might work out!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Losing the Race
Ever hear the phrase “Easier said than done”? Of course you have, who hasn’t? It’s an undeniable truth, and one of the most annoying truth’s at that. We all tend to know better, but how many of us actually have the discipline to do what we preach? It’s hard to do the right thing; it’s hard to go through with the goals we set for each other…. It’s just hard to follow ones own advice.
For example, I set a goal for myself to begin writing again, to think of new things to write about, to share new experiences, stories, research, etc… and so far, nada! I’m still blocked, still can’t think of anything new to write about. I also set a goal to re-activate my healthy lifestyle (eat right, exercise more, bla bla bla)- I’ve done it once I can do it again… right? Well, this time around I’ve found that it’s hard to stay on track – on a lot of things.
I don’t know why I just keep changing directions, keep hitting walls, and can’t seem to get over the hurdle. My problem? Easy, lack of the right motivation.
For most people, motivation is an external factor (new clothes, money, a trip, etc…). They use these “prizes” as their main motivating factors to do what they need to do in order to get them complete their task. We’ve been trained to react this way since we were kids – if you go to the doctor you get a lollipop at the end of the visit, if you go visit your grandparents you’re guaranteed a plate full of cookies, and the list goes on and on. I’m not saying that this type of rewarding motivation is bad, it’s just more of a short term solution.
Take for example dieting, you’ve been practically starving yourself for an entire week; what do you do (or are supposed to do) at the end of the week – reward yourself for your hard work, and the first thing you do is splurge on a piece of cheesecake, or you go on a shopping spree. This is where most of us go wrong, the reward is in the result itself, it’s within you – and that’s exactly where our motivation should be coming from in the first place.
Intrinsic motivation is the factor I seem to be lacking, and it is the one thing I truly need. Who is going to reward me for writing? Who is going to reward me for eating an apple rather than a brownie? I’m going to reward myself - but to be honest I can do that without even achieving my goals. So, extrinsic motivation isn’t going to help me in the long wrong. My internal desire to do better, and to actually do what I want to do will give me the discipline to go through with it.
It’s interesting how I already know the solution, but have yet to really discover my actual problem – why can’t I get over my writer’s block? I obviously want to write otherwise I wouldn’t have entered this text, but the real problem is rather I haven’t found anything yet worth sharing I guess. Like I said, easier said, than done. Let’s see what my internal motivator has to say…
For example, I set a goal for myself to begin writing again, to think of new things to write about, to share new experiences, stories, research, etc… and so far, nada! I’m still blocked, still can’t think of anything new to write about. I also set a goal to re-activate my healthy lifestyle (eat right, exercise more, bla bla bla)- I’ve done it once I can do it again… right? Well, this time around I’ve found that it’s hard to stay on track – on a lot of things.
I don’t know why I just keep changing directions, keep hitting walls, and can’t seem to get over the hurdle. My problem? Easy, lack of the right motivation.
For most people, motivation is an external factor (new clothes, money, a trip, etc…). They use these “prizes” as their main motivating factors to do what they need to do in order to get them complete their task. We’ve been trained to react this way since we were kids – if you go to the doctor you get a lollipop at the end of the visit, if you go visit your grandparents you’re guaranteed a plate full of cookies, and the list goes on and on. I’m not saying that this type of rewarding motivation is bad, it’s just more of a short term solution.
Take for example dieting, you’ve been practically starving yourself for an entire week; what do you do (or are supposed to do) at the end of the week – reward yourself for your hard work, and the first thing you do is splurge on a piece of cheesecake, or you go on a shopping spree. This is where most of us go wrong, the reward is in the result itself, it’s within you – and that’s exactly where our motivation should be coming from in the first place.
Intrinsic motivation is the factor I seem to be lacking, and it is the one thing I truly need. Who is going to reward me for writing? Who is going to reward me for eating an apple rather than a brownie? I’m going to reward myself - but to be honest I can do that without even achieving my goals. So, extrinsic motivation isn’t going to help me in the long wrong. My internal desire to do better, and to actually do what I want to do will give me the discipline to go through with it.
It’s interesting how I already know the solution, but have yet to really discover my actual problem – why can’t I get over my writer’s block? I obviously want to write otherwise I wouldn’t have entered this text, but the real problem is rather I haven’t found anything yet worth sharing I guess. Like I said, easier said, than done. Let’s see what my internal motivator has to say…
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Thinking of Yester-Year
“You can't have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time.”
I can’t help but think back at the best times of my life. Life is definitely a rollercoaster ride, full of ups and downs, full of memories – some we remember fondly, others we just think of as a blur in time. I don’t know about you, but especially when I’m down, I like to reminisce on the good times that have passed, and pathetically wish to be able to go back and experience them all over again.
Is it pathetic? Or is it a bit inevitable, to yearn for the good old days. Even though what you have going on in the present is quite good, there’s just something about wanting to go back - after all “Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.”
Some may say it’s not beneficial to be stuck in the past, to try and do it all over again. They say those times have gone, and it is now time to focus on the future. We have our memories to take us back like a little time machine, but if we wish to move forward then we have to focus on our dreams. Is it possible that both these suggestions might be slightly wrong? Isn’t the present the most important phase of time? Isn’t that the one thing we should be focused on?
There’s nothing wrong with feeling a bit nostalgic ever once in a while, we wish to be young again, to re-live those zany adventures (however big or small), we were having the time of our lives and we shouldn’t stop ourselves from remembering. What we should be careful of is getting stuck in the past. Trying to actually, literally, re-live those moments when you know they were good then but wouldn’t really work out right now. It’s also not such a great idea to get lost in dreams, if we think too much about the future we tend to lose sight of the present – and thus won’t be able to acquire even more great memories, other great times in which we can think back on and say – what a great day that was, what an amazing vacation, so much fun just hanging out, learning, travelling, taking risks, going to the beach, drinks with my friends… and the list keeps adding on and on.
Like they say, “a moment lasts only seconds, but a memory lasts a lifetime”. Smile about the good times that have passed, learn from the bad ones, keep pushing towards your dreams, and always do your best to live in the now – otherwise you won’t have any memories to be able to reminisce on.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
A New Leaf
I figure I've spent my days writing about frustrations in life - especially in work. When you're part of the Entertainment Industry (film, tv, music, etc...) it drains you of so much of your passion sometimes that you get sidetracked. I've been expressing and exposing these issue that have annoyed me and my colleagues for a while now, and I think I've proven my point. When I started this blog, it was meant more to incite motivation and allude change.
They say that the tried-and-true method can only work for so long, so hopefully I will have more positive things to write about in the following months. I've decided to leave work frustrations at work and focus on more lifestyle crusades to write about instead. So, bare with me as I brainstorm ideas regarding psychology, sociology, the arts, political issues, etc... hopefully making each subject relevant to the daily reader.
Cheers to getting out of my comfort zone... let's see where this takes me
Eye of the Beholder
A Room with a view, wouldn’t that be nice. It might perhaps be a lavish penthouse suite, or a very spacious modern office at the top of a prestigious building (which might as well end up being your penthouse suite), or you might be staying on vacation at one of the top rooms at an exclusive hotel. Whichever room it might be is not what’s truly important, what does matter is the view.
A view from the top means nothing if you’re looking down at ant size people walking around, feeling like you’re better than them. A view of a wall (from the building next door) also doesn’t help in appreciating ones environment. Your view from whichever room you choose needs to be one thing among others – it need to be yours.
Our perceptions are our windows to ourselves, to our manner of thinking and of viewing the world. It doesn’t matter where we are as long as we can have a room with a view – meaning, geography shouldn’t become a factor as long as your view is one of optimism.
You could be at a grand hotel in Paris, looking at the Eifel Tower from your room. Or you could be in New York overlooking Central Park. If you perceive your vision in a pessimistic nature, then that is where you’ve lost yourself in a fog of negativity. Rather than viewing the Park, or the historic monument as just something to look at, or not wanting to take part of going and enjoying these sites because it’s too much of a hassle; try to appreciate what you are looking at. Try to find the greatness in your views of the world, big or small, it doesn’t matter. As long as you take a second to acknowledge your surroundings and appreciate the good, the better off you’ll be and the more your view will increase with happiness and beauty.
If this sounds a bit too fluffed up for you, then look at the facts. Research shows that in order to be more optimistic and happy one should invest more in experiences – the more you spend on experiences rather than on material things, the better you’ll feel in the long run. Stories will only get better with time, as opposed to material things which will eventually have no more use for you. People should also learn to be present, savor the moments and start noticing the good things around them. You don’t necessarily have to stop what you’re doing, just try to be mindful of your actions and acknowledge those moments, which you might not get to experience again.
People who are optimistic are also by nature strivers, they are always pushing, never conforming, and always having to adjust and re-adjust. This is good because it gives them drive and motivation, which make them more likely to reach their goals, and eventually set up more goals – giving them a long list of accomplishments to be proud of.
Just to be clear, happiness and optimism are not the same. Happiness is about today, while optimism is about tomorrow. To be continuously in a good frame of mind will eventually get you to feel happy on a daily basis. And to consistently be on the look out for good things coming your way will suffice your optimistic views of life. They are both key elements to finding success, and great allies to have in this (sometimes frustrating) life. It’s not just about having a room with a great view anymore, you need to a) be able to create your own view and b) be able to appreciate it as well.
A view from the top means nothing if you’re looking down at ant size people walking around, feeling like you’re better than them. A view of a wall (from the building next door) also doesn’t help in appreciating ones environment. Your view from whichever room you choose needs to be one thing among others – it need to be yours.
Our perceptions are our windows to ourselves, to our manner of thinking and of viewing the world. It doesn’t matter where we are as long as we can have a room with a view – meaning, geography shouldn’t become a factor as long as your view is one of optimism.
You could be at a grand hotel in Paris, looking at the Eifel Tower from your room. Or you could be in New York overlooking Central Park. If you perceive your vision in a pessimistic nature, then that is where you’ve lost yourself in a fog of negativity. Rather than viewing the Park, or the historic monument as just something to look at, or not wanting to take part of going and enjoying these sites because it’s too much of a hassle; try to appreciate what you are looking at. Try to find the greatness in your views of the world, big or small, it doesn’t matter. As long as you take a second to acknowledge your surroundings and appreciate the good, the better off you’ll be and the more your view will increase with happiness and beauty.
If this sounds a bit too fluffed up for you, then look at the facts. Research shows that in order to be more optimistic and happy one should invest more in experiences – the more you spend on experiences rather than on material things, the better you’ll feel in the long run. Stories will only get better with time, as opposed to material things which will eventually have no more use for you. People should also learn to be present, savor the moments and start noticing the good things around them. You don’t necessarily have to stop what you’re doing, just try to be mindful of your actions and acknowledge those moments, which you might not get to experience again.
People who are optimistic are also by nature strivers, they are always pushing, never conforming, and always having to adjust and re-adjust. This is good because it gives them drive and motivation, which make them more likely to reach their goals, and eventually set up more goals – giving them a long list of accomplishments to be proud of.
Just to be clear, happiness and optimism are not the same. Happiness is about today, while optimism is about tomorrow. To be continuously in a good frame of mind will eventually get you to feel happy on a daily basis. And to consistently be on the look out for good things coming your way will suffice your optimistic views of life. They are both key elements to finding success, and great allies to have in this (sometimes frustrating) life. It’s not just about having a room with a great view anymore, you need to a) be able to create your own view and b) be able to appreciate it as well.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Running to Catch Up
What is normal vs. what is normalized...Why do we rationalize our surroundings when we know it's not the best environment?
I believe it is normal to feel - to be frustrated, happy, sad, etc... and be able to express ourselves. To normalize something happens when we conform to our environments, and to those who believe to be in authority. Of course, I am not advocating for people to have meltdowns and tantrums at the workplace - there is a place and time to blatantly expressourselves, but still it doesn't mean we should just let things rolls off our backs (unless it doesn't really affect us, or unless we really don't care). To have thick skin to many means to be able to roll withh the punches, to not let things get to you... To me, it means to normalize outstanding behavior - to normalize being yelled at, getting stressed over the most insignificant detail, becoming the butler, maid, go-to person whenever your boss needs an emergency psychology session... all this gets rationalized as paying your dues, it's part of the "hazing" that everyone goes through - it's how the weak get separated from the strong; or rather how the normal get de-sensitized to be able to take the worst from the worst.
My question is, is this process really worth it? Is it necessary or can there be another way to prove whether or not a person belongs to the industry? Some people might say why mess with something that has been going on for years? Well because as times change people do as well - everything evolves on some scale.. and are those left behind truly those who are the strongest from the bunch? or are they the ones who slowly loose their common sense and normalize their surroundings in order to reach the top? How effecient have these people proven to be?
For example, by challenging newcomers with tasks that actually have something to do with the job at hand? Giving them projects to analyze, simulate a meeting and make them work under real pressure; by actually showing them what it means to do your job and seeing if they have what it takes if far greater than having them run around like headless chickens, screaming at them for not getting your coffee right, etc... is worthless in my eyes. Maybe by initiating them into the workforce, rather than hazing them for a year or so, there would be more competent and content people working out there.
The last thing a recent grad (or anyone for that matter) wants to do is become an insignificant tool within a company. Us youngesters want to prove ourselves. So, give us real responsibilities and we will show you just how productive and beneficil we can be.
This however, is a vicious cycle which can only start to change if WE do something about it. We have a voice, we have motives, and we have skills. Things would run more efficiently if we wouldn't normalize this hazing ritual, and instead re-make the workplace into a normal environment where conforming is substituted with compromise and not with being exploited.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Too Much or Not Enough
Do you re-call me previous blog entry: “Pushing and Shoving”? Well, just to summarize, I touched upon the reality for most recent graduates who have been having a hard time finding a job due to their lack of experience. I still stand by what I said, but now, after talking to some friends who were previously employed and now are back at zero – I’ve realized they are having the same difficulties in getting new jobs as well. The reason? Too much experience.
Ironic huh? In other words, due to the on-going recession (the Government isn’t fooling anyone, we’re still hurting) the majority of companies have gone to extreme measures and have had to cut their budgets – meaning less money for employees. So by hiring people who are barely starting, they can get away with paying them next to nothing. That’s right; minimum wage is no longer the norm for just McDonald’s workers. Having a Bachelor’s degree doesn’t seem to make that much of a difference in monetary terms – at least not in the Entertainment Industry. Sucks, I know.
So, what incentives are these media people offering young eager people who already have experience and want to take the next step in their careers? Or for those unfortunate others who had to be laid off? Beats me. The potential to learn and grow within a company, or the promise that if you work hard for a year or two will eventually pay off when taking the next step seems like a dream of yester-year. Working your butt off nowadays means that you will continue to pay your dues until some form of miracle happens and you finally get the job you always wanted – and even then you will have to keep digging deep to keep it and you will have to work just as hard to continue to love it. Sounds like taking the ultimate sacrifice for the sake of a job right? Wrong.
The incentive to work in such a difficult environment is no longer external. You gain experience everyday, you meet new people everyday, network anywhere you can (if you meet the Director of Creative Affairs of a major studio in the bathroom you need to find a way to introduce yourself – easier if you’re a girl, just compliment her shoes); being able to grow in the right direction is now up to YOU. And the drive that keeps you going in a seemingly unfair trade is your passion for the Industry, your belief in writing, directing, producing, acting, representing the crème de la crème, etc… In today’s world, you need to be in charge of your motivation. Our incentives are internal; we push ourselves and put up with so much bull in order to get to the next step. Once we reach it, we realize that you have to continue to push, reach, fight, and yes, cry your way to the top.
Anyone who enters the realms of Hollywood knows it’s not an easy task. Rejection is not just for actors or models, “thick skin” is required but it’s not as important as having a strong belief in yourself. We are here for a purpose, and unfortunately it will take us a bit of time to find out what that purpose is. It doesn’t matter really, everything changes, we will have our ups and downs, but as long as we maintain focus on our dreams and passions, I’m sure we’ll be able to survive this struggle. Rejection is not really all that personal – overqualified, under-qualified, chemistry, competence; these are mere factors that shouldn’t play such a gigantic role in our work life. If you have a passion for the industry and are able to communicate it efficiently to the right person, you are very likely to land that dream job and keep pushing – because this is what you chose, this is where you want to be, and all the sweat and tears will be worth it. Only the strong survive, and only you can build up that necessary strength. Don’t be discouraged if you had to start from scratch and no one is making you a great offer, it’s not really their true choice – so many factors align in these decisions that it’s unfair for both parties sometimes. And if you have little experience and are having a tough time finding an entry level job, the same goes for you, all you need to do is show how much you are willing to invest in your work and how much it will pay off for both. Passion is key for most things in life, but right now, it’s an integrate part of putting yourself on the map and positioning yourself in the right direction. Whenever you feel discouraged, remind yourself of why you are here, why you want to be a Producer, Director, etc… and you’ll be able to continue moving. And if you can’t think of why, then I suggest you re-evaluate your situation - maybe this wasn’t the right place for you after all. There’s no shame, as long as you are able to find your passion and drive, you are one step closer to being where you’ve always wished to be, but most importantly, to be where you deserve to be.
Ironic huh? In other words, due to the on-going recession (the Government isn’t fooling anyone, we’re still hurting) the majority of companies have gone to extreme measures and have had to cut their budgets – meaning less money for employees. So by hiring people who are barely starting, they can get away with paying them next to nothing. That’s right; minimum wage is no longer the norm for just McDonald’s workers. Having a Bachelor’s degree doesn’t seem to make that much of a difference in monetary terms – at least not in the Entertainment Industry. Sucks, I know.
So, what incentives are these media people offering young eager people who already have experience and want to take the next step in their careers? Or for those unfortunate others who had to be laid off? Beats me. The potential to learn and grow within a company, or the promise that if you work hard for a year or two will eventually pay off when taking the next step seems like a dream of yester-year. Working your butt off nowadays means that you will continue to pay your dues until some form of miracle happens and you finally get the job you always wanted – and even then you will have to keep digging deep to keep it and you will have to work just as hard to continue to love it. Sounds like taking the ultimate sacrifice for the sake of a job right? Wrong.
The incentive to work in such a difficult environment is no longer external. You gain experience everyday, you meet new people everyday, network anywhere you can (if you meet the Director of Creative Affairs of a major studio in the bathroom you need to find a way to introduce yourself – easier if you’re a girl, just compliment her shoes); being able to grow in the right direction is now up to YOU. And the drive that keeps you going in a seemingly unfair trade is your passion for the Industry, your belief in writing, directing, producing, acting, representing the crème de la crème, etc… In today’s world, you need to be in charge of your motivation. Our incentives are internal; we push ourselves and put up with so much bull in order to get to the next step. Once we reach it, we realize that you have to continue to push, reach, fight, and yes, cry your way to the top.
Anyone who enters the realms of Hollywood knows it’s not an easy task. Rejection is not just for actors or models, “thick skin” is required but it’s not as important as having a strong belief in yourself. We are here for a purpose, and unfortunately it will take us a bit of time to find out what that purpose is. It doesn’t matter really, everything changes, we will have our ups and downs, but as long as we maintain focus on our dreams and passions, I’m sure we’ll be able to survive this struggle. Rejection is not really all that personal – overqualified, under-qualified, chemistry, competence; these are mere factors that shouldn’t play such a gigantic role in our work life. If you have a passion for the industry and are able to communicate it efficiently to the right person, you are very likely to land that dream job and keep pushing – because this is what you chose, this is where you want to be, and all the sweat and tears will be worth it. Only the strong survive, and only you can build up that necessary strength. Don’t be discouraged if you had to start from scratch and no one is making you a great offer, it’s not really their true choice – so many factors align in these decisions that it’s unfair for both parties sometimes. And if you have little experience and are having a tough time finding an entry level job, the same goes for you, all you need to do is show how much you are willing to invest in your work and how much it will pay off for both. Passion is key for most things in life, but right now, it’s an integrate part of putting yourself on the map and positioning yourself in the right direction. Whenever you feel discouraged, remind yourself of why you are here, why you want to be a Producer, Director, etc… and you’ll be able to continue moving. And if you can’t think of why, then I suggest you re-evaluate your situation - maybe this wasn’t the right place for you after all. There’s no shame, as long as you are able to find your passion and drive, you are one step closer to being where you’ve always wished to be, but most importantly, to be where you deserve to be.
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